Insomnia
by PaperHeart13
Summary: - 1:37. Struggling to keep her eyes open. But everytime her eyelids cover her broken brown eyes, fear snaps them back open again. - The secrets that little Cat Valentine tried her best to keep hidding. BETTER STORY THAN SUMMARY! I hope.. ONESHOT.


She runs a hand through her (now) short black hair.  
>Again and again.<br>Over and over.  
>Helplessly trying to calm herself.<br>Nervous.  
>A couple tears escape from her right eye. The left one just wells up with a few tears.<br>It's 1:17 in the morning and she still can't sleep.  
>She has to wake up in less than 6 hours.<br>What's the point of even trying anymore?  
>To sleep, I mean.<br>I think.  
>She is broken. She has said this a thousand times before,<br>but this time she means it.  
>Fear.<br>She's terrified.  
>She can't lose her sister.<br>What is going on?  
>She has to know...<br>She has to be okay...  
>Betrayed.<br>Her father.  
>Broken promises.<br>All of the boys (and girls) that played her little porcelain heart like an instrument.  
>It is now 1:19. Listening to the same music loop on her laptop for probably the 13th time this night alone.<br>**1:20.**  
>All of the guys, that walked in and out of her mothers' lives.<br>Watching her father and mother fight.  
>And I mean, fight.<br>Physically.  
>Bruises.<br>Not remembering who raped her when she was little.  
>Or does she know?<br>Maybe she does.  
>Maybe she just doesn't want to remember.<br>She remembers being hit.  
>Being pushed around.<br>Thrown to the ground.  
>But by who?<br>Her walls are up to high for the thought of remembering to even enter her subconsciousness.  
><strong>1:21.<strong>  
>Nobody is texting her back.<br>She feels alone.  
>She is trying, begging; SALVAGING for a reason to hold on.<br>She has to.  
><strong>1:22.<strong>  
>She wants to bleed.<br>Wait, no.  
>NEEDS to bleed.<br>But she doesn't remember where she stashed her razor in haste early one morning.  
>Hoping no one would find out.<br>**1:23.**  
>But somehow, they all know now.<br>Can you not trust anyone?  
>Time's up.<br>Secret's out.  
>What is she talking about?<br>Her head hurts.  
>Pounding.<br>Ears.  
>Her ears.<br>They feel like they have cotton balls stuffed in them.  
><strong>1:24.<strong>  
>Her throat feels scratchy.<br>She doesn't feel like she is going to cry anymore, though.  
>She is tense.<br>She has to keep reminding herself to relax.  
>She hears somebody awake.<br>She absent-mindedly registers the wallpaper of her laptop changing at the 10-second intervals it had been set to constantly change at about 3 weeks ago.  
>It's kind of annoying.<br>**1:25.**  
>Memories.<br>So many damn memories.  
>Good.<br>Bad.  
>Bittersweet.<br>**1:26.**  
>Minutes.<br>Ticking down.  
>Ticking down to what?<br>What is going on?  
>She's scared.<br>Depressed.  
>Broken.<br>So broken.  
>She is desperately trying to clear her head.<br>Writing.  
><strong>1:27.<strong>  
>Minutes. Hold on.<br>You have to hold on.  
>Hold on to what?<br>She doesn't know.  
>What is going on?<br>She wants to let go.  
>Let go of what?<br>She can't.  
><strong>1:28.<strong>  
>She's tense.<br>Again.  
>She (once again) has to remind herself to relax.<br>Why is she so tense?  
><strong>1:29.<strong>  
>She has dance class in the morning.<br>Early, too.  
>8:00, to be exact.<br>At this rate, she is going to be running off 2 hours of sleep. 3, if she's lucky.  
>She hates this.<br>_Insomnia._  
><strong>1:30.<strong>  
>Minutes, minutes.<br>Counting up; counting down.  
>Counting to what?<br>She feels as if something big is awaiting.  
>What could it be?<br>Who knows.  
>What happened yesterday morning...<br>It was around 4:17.  
>She flew out of bed, hastily throwing on a sweater.<br>Something was wrong with her sister.  
>Her beautiful, sweet, angel.<br>They were blue.  
>Her lips were blue.<br>Everybody was yelling and screaming and crying and all she could do was kiss her sister and smooth her hair down.  
>She silently starting praying.<br>Then, her step-dad starting telling everybody she was okay, everything was okay.  
>Her baby sister was fine.<br>She was smiling.  
>She didn't even realize what had happened.<br>**1:31.**  
><strong>1:32.<strong>  
>Something is wrong...<br>That isn't normal. We've been watching her all day.  
>It is terrifying.<br>All day today she would randomly stop breathing.  
>Her eyes would start to roll back.<br>But then, her breathing would pick up again.  
>Like nothing had happened.<br>**1:33.**  
>She had a very serious and heart-wrenching conversation with her mom.<br>"She died last night. She was completely gone. She had this look on her face. She had completely checked out.  
>I picked her up. Shook her once. Screamed her name. Came flying up the stairs. She was gone for 2, maybe 3 mintues.<br>Then she was back. Didn't even know what happened."  
>Tears started to fall from her abnormally golden brown eyes.<br>"She could have Sleep Apnea, which infants rarely survive from. Or RSV, which is a fatal respitory disease in infants."  
>Tears were freely falling now.<br>She began to shake.  
>She can't lose her babygirl, she just can't.<br>**1:34.**  
>Fear.<br>**1:35.**  
><strong>1:36.<strong>  
>Something is definitely wrong with her Livie Bear...<br>She won't rest until she KNOWS she is okay though.  
>SHE HAS TO BE OKAY, GOD DAMMIT!<br>She has to be...  
>She HAS to be...<br>**1:37.**  
>Struggling to keep her eyes open.<br>But everytime her eyelids cover her broken brown eyes, fear snaps them back open again.  
>She feels like she is being watched.<br>She keeps looking all around her quaint little room.  
>She is terrified.<br>Her eyes are playing tricks on her.  
>She needs to sleep.<br>**1:38.**  
>She can't take this anymore.<br>This fear.  
>This pain.<br>This sorrow.  
>This helplessness.<br>This trapped feeling.  
>This lost feeling.<br>She is so sad, so scared.  
>So angry.<br>What is going on?  
><strong>1:39.<strong>  
>Searching her contacts.<br>Hoping to find someone who will be awake.  
>She needs someone.<br>She needs hope.  
>She is not a codependent person,<br>but this is a special circumstance.  
>Her best friend's aren't texting her back.<br>She's not angry at them, though.  
>They deserve to sleep.<br>She just wishes someone was awake to help her through this.  
><strong>1:40.<strong>  
>She hates the lies.<br>The empty promises.  
>"It's going to be okay."<br>Yeah, it better fucking be okay!  
>She hates feeling so needy.<br>She wants to be held right now.  
>Somebody, please be awake.<br>She's losing her mind.  
>"God, when did I become so fucking needy?" She scolds herself.<br>**1:41.**  
>Still broken.<br>Her eyes are stinging.  
>She is so tired, but she can't sleep.<br>**1:42.**  
>She is running out words, but she needs ome kind of outlet for all of these emotions spilling out of her.<br>**1:43**.  
>She is going to turn on Horton Hears A Who for the 30-billionth time.<br>Try to sleep, though she knows it's all in vain.  
>She hates this.<br>_INSOMNIA._


End file.
